I would n’t normally associate Bill with cunning plans as he always seems such an honest and open chap but after today I realise that my judgement on that has been completely astray.
We were playing the 5th Eclectic game today and a few weeks back Bill had enquired if it would be OK to bring along his son Ash and his good friend Richard Robinson. We already know that anyone with a forename of Ash or Richard make good Ballbashing folk so we were delighted to welcome them into our midst assuming that Bill had pre-briefed them on the sort of golf us ageing BBs are inclined to play. This achieved Step 1 of Bill’s Cunning Plan.
Bill got us all there in good time by suggesting that we convene a good 30 minutes before the tee-time which he then moved backwards to allow more leeway – I really don’t know what he was worrying about but it was probably a subtle way top ensure that we were all present when the teams were selected because this Step 2 of his Cunning Plan required everyone to be present when we played with the Lego. He was keen to ensure that he and Ash and RichardR were in separate teams for reasons which were very unclear to the rest of us but which subsequently proved to be vital for his Cunning Plan especially when coupled with his apparently generous offer to pay for Ash and Richard’s BashCoin bets which proved to be Step 3 of his Cunning Plan.
So MikeS found himself teamed with RichardR playing alongside RobA & myself. In the 4-ball following us PeterR and Ash were partners playing with MikeW and Bill.
The 4th Step in Bill’s Cunning Plan was instantly revealed on the 1st tee when Richard drove the ball way over the top of the trees at the bottom of the hill on the left-hand side. Rob and I are normally used to trying to follow balls which are travelling at half the speed, half the height and half the distance so we did n’t have a clue where this missile had gone to. Given that Richard very unusually, as it turned out, failed to find it, I suspect that it probably bounced off the spire of Marlow Church before landing in the river. At this point Rob’s 5 for 3 points put us into the lead for the first and last time.
Richard spent the next 3 holes calibrating his radar while collecting a huge stock of balls that he found in distant pastures while also finding his own ball but while he was doing this, his partner MikeS popped in a couple of 3-pointers on the 2nd and 3rd. When they came to the Par 3 5th Richard popped a sand wedge or something similar into the middle of the green and calmly rolled the putt in for a birdie worth 3 points while Mike par’ed it for another 3.
Worse was to come as far as Rob and I were concerned when they scored a joint 7 on the next hole with Mike conjuring a 4-pointer from the woods on the right while his partner conjured another par from way left on the 7th fairway. Given that, for once, I had driven a long way down the middle and Rob was there as well and I was then thinking that we might score 7, it was a touch irritating when they did it and I rolled my putt about 10 feet past. Rob, who scored all of our points on the front 9 did get his 3 points.
Richard scored 3 points on each of the next 2 holes and they finished the front 9 with 25 while we, or rather Rob, had scored 12. Never mind, we said, there’s always the back 9 but they obviously also thought the same way.
We were occasionally providing Richard with the benefit of our deep knowledge of the way the ball would run on each hole. We realised that this information was completely irrelevant when, on the 14th, we had pointed out the probability that the ball would run right down into the trees unless your drive hugged the left-hand side. Richard’s response was to hit the ball 270 yards onto the flat land way beyond the area we were concerned about. We shut up after that and just admired his drive on the 15th as it disappeared out of sight towards the green. He had a few yards left to chip the ball almost stone dead from where he sunk the putt for a birdie and 4 points. I was a bit miffed at this outcome because it was the only the second 3-pointer I managed all day and I was completely outshone. I may be paying more attention to Bill’s guest list in the future.
Mike added 6 more points on the 17th and 18th while I, in typical fashion on the day, thinned my wedge almost onto the 1st fairway and then we retired to the terrace.
The post-game chat revealed that PeterR had possibly scored the champagne shot of the day by taking out the 150 yard marker on the 12th in case he hit it and then hit it anyway when he thinned his shot thereby causing the ball to finish some yards behind him. I remember Tony Brown doing that in Ireland and nearly killing 3 Ballbashers standing behind him with one shot.
Before the scores were announced Bill pointed out that, by subbing his guests’ BashCoin bets, he was entitled to any winnings they might have garnered – this was Step 5 of his Cunning Plan. The scores were revealed to be:
MikeS and RichardR 25 + 16 = 41 (won front 9 and overall)
RichardC and Rob 12 + 12 = 24 (won nothing)
Peter and Ash 16 + 21 = 37 (won back 9)
Bill and MikeW 7 + 15 = 22 (also won nothing)
Except that Bill won his guests (ringers?) shares of the BashCoins thereby generating a very rare positive movement in his BashCoin balance thereby reaching a successful conclusion to his Cunning Plan.
We all had a thoroughly enjoyable day and anybody who cleans the sand off my sand wedge is very welcome to come again, though given that, at the time, I thought that he was stealing it, he may well have second thoughts!
