Pukka Ballbashing in evidence at Temple

There are some days on the golf course when almost all of the characteristics that distinguish the world of Ballbashing are evident and, without doubt, yesterday at Temple was one such day. The good news was that, although it was cool, the sun was shining and Temple was in great condition, showing no evidence of the virtually perpetual rain we have had for the last week. Buggies were even allowed, but too late for the couple of BBs who have to ride. Mike S has very definitely converted back to walking which is a lesson for us all.

We were playing for the totally mis-named Autumn Tankard which is organised by Ashley. Once upon a time we did play for real tankards but some BBs ran out of space to store them and Ashley made the brilliant decision to convert the prizes to bags of seasonal goodies from his favourite supermarket which is normally Lidl. Being German they are full of exciting titbits at Xmas such as Kleinerzuckerhaltigekeksevollermarzepan which are far quicker to eat than pronounce. These are the sort of prizes which are greeted with pleasure by the General Managers at home as opposed to their normal reaction when Marilyn makes another appearance, so competition is intense.

Seven Ballbashers appeared and the balls were thrown and teams decided without too many problems. MikeS, Robert and Bill made up the 3-ball and following the normal start whereby Mike put his drive into the trees on the right and Robert put his firmly into the trees on the left, they disappeared down the hill and we expected not to see them again – however that was to prove not to be the case.

Nick and MikeW made one pair and Rob and I the other. Mike claimed to have just returned from 2 weeks in St Lucia in which he had spent every waking minute participating in every sport known to man and, in the small breaks between these sessions, his body had been ministered to by a whole host of masseuses endeavouring to ensure that there was n’t a square inch of his personage which had not been properly oiled and prepared for more of the sporting fray. One might imagine that a veritable Adonis capable of scaling Mount Everest several times in one day would have appeared in our midst but, strangely enough, as soon as Mike realised that Nick had a spare seat in his buggy, he ditched his trolley with great haste and grabbed the place, from where he sometimes found it difficult to muster up sufficient energy to get out and play a shot.

It was soon clear as we made our way round the front 9 that it was the Player B version of Nick that was with us and greatly enjoying the sunshine as he conjured 4 blobs out of a variety of situations in the first 4 holes. Fortunately for his team, Adonis was able to compensate and, after 4 holes we were tied on 7 points. At this point I suspect that he was missing his regular massage and Rob and I were able to pull away to reach the turn in 18 points to their 14.

We had found a sand wedge lying beside the 5th green and correctly worked out that it must belong to the 3-ball ahead of us. Our suspicions were confirmed when we saw the buggy from the 3-ball being driven back up the 6th hole towards us by Robert. He grabbed the club and disappeared at maximum speed back down the fairway. Given that the buggy had been being driven by Bill, we thought that this whole incident was a bit strange but that’s nothing new in Ballbasher world.

We were then even more confused when Bill drove the buggy back up the hill to the tee of the 8th to ask us if we had found a club of his. We explained that we had indeed and that we had given it to his playing partner Robert about 2 holes previously. Bill seemed to accept this news without any questioning and then took the black run back down the hill to rejoin team-mates on the 9th tee. For our part, we could n’t understand why Robert had failed to tell Bill of his success in retrieving the wedge but knowing them as we do, I can’t say that we were totally surprised.

We were slightly more surprised when we finally arrived on the 8th green to find a wedge lying in the middle of it about 5 yards from the hole. We suspected some sort of plot by the 3-ball designed to disturb our concentration as we tried to work out why they should be scattering wedges hither and thither. But knowing them as we do, we immediately worked out that it was just straight amnesia. We were able to give Bill the club back at the 9th green and no more such episodes occurred – perhaps they ran out of wedges or forgot where they had put them.

But now, in yet another typical Ballbasher way, Player A appeared in our midst and scored a total of 7 points on the 10th and 11th holes, which, given that Nick had scored 8 points in total on the 1st 9 holes gave Rob and I some cause for alarm. We had been quietly comfortable playing against Player B and a tired Adonis but we realised that we had to up our game now to protect our lead. Much to their frustration, this is what we did and both teams managed to score 23 points on the back 9 which gave Rob and I at total of 41 and Nick and Mike 37.

We were joined at the denouement by Ashley and Stuart and enjoyed some excellent chowder while the results were announced. It turned out that the 3-ball had scored 18 points on the front 9 which, at that point, tied for the lead but they only added 15 on the back 9 to give them 33 in total. So Rob and I were presented by Ashley with very full Xmas bags full of Lidl’s best goodies of the Kleinerzuckerhaltigekeksevollermarzepan variety which were very well received when we reached home.