Having ascertained last night from Doodle that we had 10 Ballbashers signed up to play today and responsible for devising a suitable novelty format for today’s game, I retired to the Think Tank (that’s the room where we normally solve deep philosophical problems without fear of interruption) to concentrate on said devising.
Having consulted the Two Times Table I realised that 10 can be divided into two teams of 5. We had 3 tee-times booked so that worked perfectly with two 3-balls and one 4-ball comprising two pairs (one pair from each team). I then decided that we would play that fiendish format in which you have to elect after playing a hole whether or not to include your team’s scores on that hole into your total score – there being a limit of 15 scores per each 9 holes for the 3-balls and 10 scores for the 2-balls.
If you, the reader, are still with me, you are already doing better than most of the cluster of Ballbashers standing around me outside the Pro’s Shop at Temple this morning. I was deep into explaining this format, in words of as few syllables as I could muster, to the assembly when someone had the temerity to point out that we were not 10 in number but appeared to be 11. Several counts later we were all in agreement that this was indeed the case. After some fruitless attempts to reconfigure the planned novelty format, we reverted to the standard Better Ball format played as four pairs and one 3-ball which we all managed to agree added up to 11.
But then came the difficult matter of deciding on the pairs with the normal method of tossing our balls into the air with gay abandon. This is rendered more complex these days with the buggy-sharing arrangements. Stuart kindly offered his hat as a place into which to put 11 golf balls minus a few to reflect the buggy sharing arrangements. The balls were thrown and analysed in roughly the same way that the Romans used to study the entrails of unfortunate chickens, and the results were ignored and various combinations of Ballbashers coalesced and set off to play. Curiously we ended up with 2 spare golf balls which no-one claimed as their own. Maybe Stuart always keeps a spare golf ball in his hat and he was too embarrassed to own up?
All of that pre-amble just left us with the task of playing a round of golf on temporary greens – they were equipped with large buckets for holes and were often put in the scruffiest bit of fairway that could be found. Those Ballbashers who had been assiduously practicing their putting on the ultra-smooth practice green were to discover that that had been a total waste of time.
Before we set off, we did manage to work out that Robert M was the mystery Number 11 – he had thought that he had an appointment (possibly with his memory counsellor?) this morning but when that turned out not to be the case, he elected to join us. The more the merrier I say, and it certainly caused much merriment before we started.
I was partnering PeteF and we were playing with Stuart and RobertM. Stuart had had a new shaft fitted (to his driver!) and following Pete and Robert’s hooked drives into the woods on the 1st, he blasted a drive miles down the middle. I suspect that all drivers are somehow equipped to do this the first time you use them so as to encourage you to buy them, but then it is rarely repeated.
I won’t dwell too much on the golf but suffice it to say that Pete and I clocked up 25 points on the front 9 by some suitable meshing, versus 19 points by Stuart and Rob. They then snuck into an early lead on the back 9 when Robert clocked up a 4-pointer on the 11th which, given that the temporary green was in the middle of a mogul field on a black run, was exceedingly well-done. We managed to catch them up by the end of the 16th but then they scored a couple of 3-pointers on the 17th and 18th to beat us on the back 9 by 2 points.
The denouement in the clubhouse was for a couple of us over a steaming bowl of excellent clam chowder, and for others over excellent salads, cakes or whatever took their fancy. John H had joined us for the first time for many a moon and he had had an excellent round, clocking up 40 points including a chip-in for 2 which is very annoying for any opposition who observe the event, especially when the player claims that that was what he was trying to do. Bill also played a full round and was very happy with life afterwards which was also excellent news. So the results promised to be very tight and so it proved:
Richard & PeteF 25 + 20 = 45 (won front 9 and overall)
MikeS & PeteR 22 + 21 = 43
Nick & JohnH 20 + 22 = 42 (shared back 9)
Stuart & RobertM 19 + 22 = 41 (shared back 9)
Roger & Bill & MikeW 21 + 14 = 35
All-in-all, a typical day’s happy ballbashing for a larger turnout than expected. Next time the Novelty Format will be devised when we are on the 1st tee.
