“From our special orthopaedic correspondent
Sonning Golf Club was very keen to host the Prosthetic cup and reached out to us with warm hospitality and welcome. It may be that your special correspondent had oversold matters but I had the distinct impression that they thought we were a group of disabled golfers and this would help towards their inclusivity statistics.
On the other hand we had chosen Sonning because it is flat and surely that must be good for those with artificial joints. Also the greens are very good and fast and true and this would mean less putts and less walking. Unfortunately this turned out be deceptive as it is indeed a flat course but it is a very difficult course. Also as the greens were Augusta speed it is fair to say no-one was at home on the greens.
Anyway six Ballbashers turned up, four with totally authentic metal joints, one with a contentious big toe for which he had submitted MRI scans which turned out not to be of his big toe but of one very like his. The final attendee happily admitted he did not qualify but his episodic mobility issues meant it was only a matter of time until he would be a full contestant. Happily we were able to welcome Ballbashers most recent hole in oner , John Hamilton, who achieved the feat last week in the most Westerly golf facility in England.
Prosthetic Championships are always full of controversy and when debated there was an underlying feeling that true competitors would not or should not use a golf cart to go round. So in line with British political tactics we set out without resolving these issues hoping the none of the guys in golfcarts would win and neither would Mr Big Toe. If that was the denouement then problem solved!
So John H, John T and Nick lead off first in buggies and Peter F, Rob M and Alan strode out on foot. I could give you a blow by blow of the walkers golf but why depress readers and in any event the scores will tell you all you need to know. It is worth reporting that Pete’s state of the art electric golf trolley was in rogue mode at various points. First of all it managed to stop in front of a group of golfers teeing of the white tees. This caused great consternation and was only calmed when Pete remotely reversed it away from the golfers. I am not sure they identified the controller. Subsequently it went off piste and refused to to respond to Pete’s remote. Pete thought the batteries were running out but I blame the parents. Finally there was a total crisis. Pete could not find the control anywhere and it looked as though he would have to abandon the round as it trolley and clubs were immobilised. Luckily Robert had noticed Pete put his control on top of the bag so the was removed from the trolley, upended with all the clubs on the grass and in time it dropped out but really after all this Mr Big Toe did not stand a chance.
So the team denouement was carters won front nine, walkers won back nine and walkers lost overall by one point so 1 bash coin from a walker to a carter – 61/62. The individual scores were Robert 29, Nick 26, Alan and John T 24, Pete and John H 20. So the political gamble paid off- a walker won! Incidentally Robert went out in 9 points and came back in 20- a real tribute to his Birmingham hip and a true Prosthetic cup champion.”
Ed Note: Pete’s trolley has a long history of errant ways. Apart from running full tilt into the back of your DisHon Sec on the 18th fairway at Maidenhead, the trolley also took a fancy to a bunker at the illustrious Stoke Park where it set out to dig it’s way to Australia with sand flying everywhere.
Also the Master Golfer Table is now looking much more interesting than it often is. While MikeS is still leading despite his time away, there are several contenders nicely placed on the rails for a surge to the finishing line including the 2 Roberts.
