Although he/she/they has yet to appear in PGA starting lists, I have decided that my new bestie ChatGPT must be an excellent golfer if the quality of their advice is anything to go by. Following on from their/its precision forecasting of the BB Ryder Cup teams , I asked it/her/him for advice on new methods of fairly handicapping a BB 3-ball playing a BB 2-ball. Our current approach involves the demoralising and mathematically-challenging approach of slashing the 3-ball’s handicap to 75% + 1 stroke. On a freezing cold morning when standing on the 1st tee our brains are frequently unable to cope with the calculations let alone with the thought of playing with perhaps 7 strokes of handicap less than normal.
Well he/she/it/they came up with the very simple thought of just adding 2 shots to each of the 2-ball’s handicaps. The 3-ball needed no persuading as to the wisdom of this and even the 2-ball felt it was worth a crack so that’s what we did.
We had been reduced to 5 by RobA’s withdrawal due to problems with his hamstring which always brings to my mind that piece of string you get wrapped round a gammon but later investigation in the clubhouse produced medical photos not for the squeamish and it can be found somewhere in your leg after all. The balls were thrown and MikeW and Bill were the 2-ball and MikeS, PeterR and I were the 3-ball.
We had followed the missing RobM’s diktat to play with only 3 clubs + putter. As soon as he put this idea out there he withdrew probably having thought better of it but we persevered. I was sharing a buggy with Peter due to my very slow recovery from a chest infection. I had somehow convinced myself that floating around the course in the warmth of a buggy occasionally having to get out and gently strike a ball further up the fairway towards the hole would be beneficial. I had not taken into account that we would be playing in freezing mist with a nasty chilly breeze which entered the buggy from all directions before disappearing down my neck. Contrary to it being beneficial, I feel lucky not to be writing this from a sanatorium.
MikeW and I had made a similar selection of clubs believing that getting the ball as far as down the fairway off the tee as possible using a driver was key to success. What happened next would have to be dealt with in the absence of a fairway wood. Others made different decisions with PeterR opting for a 4-rescue wood off the tee which not only seemed to go straight down the middle further than my driver but also came with a gentle draw. I just felt fortunate to be in the same team.
My second club selection was the “reliable” 7-wood. Maybe it disliked the cold as much as I did or perhaps there was a link with my shivering. Either way it developed the habit of when played off anything other than a tee of sending the ball about 45 degrees right of the intended direction. I ended up playing a 4th shot onto the 9th green from somewhere so far up the hill to the right that the buggy refused to go there for fear of what might be hiding in the undergrowth.
So in the first 9 holes I contributed a single point to our team score. We were fortunate that MikeS scored a series of 2-pointers to start us off and then PeterR continued in the fine run of form he exhibited last week after a 3 month lay-off which held us together. The mist lifted about the 12th hole and following that I may have added a point or two to our score. We certainly did improve our score from 18 on the front 9 to 19 on the back.
In front of us the 2-ball had been making good progress so it was going to be interesting to see how their scores panned out.
We discovered RobA awaiting us in the clubhouse. He had discovered that the latest addition to the bar staff who has probably 100% improved the scenic outlook is about to qualify as a sports masseuse. We told her that we had 16 possible clients for her every Thursday morning when she started her practice – it was difficult to tell but I think she was positive. I also discovered that she had been the UK Synchronised Swimming Champion for a few years which conjured up a whole plethora of thoughts. I did discover that the nose-clip is not as painful as it looks but I do think that the ability to do 75 yards up and down a swimming pool while both vertical and upside-down while holding their breath for nearly 3 minutes would be a stretch for most BBs.
The team scores proved to be very close:
Bill and MikeW 20 + 16 = 36
MikeS, PeterR & Richard 18 + 19 = 37
In know that we all drop points all over the course but Bill and MikeW both blobbed the 16th and both had their par putts stop on the lip of the 18th so the result could easily have been a draw. However I played so badly that our team was virtually reduced to a 2-ball and therefore I think we should try adding 3 shots to each of the 2-balls handicap next time despite it not being his/her/it’s/their advice.
The individual scores, while irrelevant to the team comp, were pretty close to what we might have scored with a full set of clubs for most of us but it remains a difficult thought to do an Alan and carry half what I normally take round.
Next Novelty game we decided that it would be good, given the current use of worm-casts, to allow a standard tee to be used anywhere on the course bar the green. Paradise Rules I think that might be called.
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