Perhaps long ago in the Rift Valley the precursor to Neanderthal Man played a game of golf with a bent stick and a ball of mammoth poo and so it became written into our DNA that we should without fail every week head out onto the fairways in optimistic spirits only to be brought crashing back down to earth in a cloud of frustration.
Today it was sunny, hot and windless. The fairways were dry and hard with not a trace of worm-cast and the greens were fast and true. And not a single one of the 9 Ballbashers scored close to their handicap and instead most came off the course wondering if creosoting the garden shed might have been a more rewarding way of spending the morning. The one saving grace at Temple is that it is not too difficult to score a par on the 18th which of course brings you back for more torture next week – that was my one and only par and Roger also got 3 points there and, by doing so, doubled his score on the back 9.
The balls had fallen so that Alan, MikeS and myself formed one team, followed by buggy-riders Bill and RobA playing with Stuart and they, in turn, were followed by buggy-riders Roger and PeterR playing with RobM.
It was the last game of the Frostbite League and MikeS had to beat me and win to claim the Frostbite League Trophy so playing together we were able to keep a very close eye on each other. Alan had mistakenly taken his 5-wood out of his bag rather than his chipper – the latter not being very useful for long fairway wood shots, he borrowed a brand new Ping 5-wood from the Pro Shop who clearly have some kind of way of fixing these loan clubs so they perform brilliantly and you end up buying them, at which point the other clubs in the bag inform the new upstart that that is very definitely not the way to behave and the magic wears off.
The presence of the new Ping clearly got Alan’s driver into a jealous mode because it started whacking the ball for miles in a straight line with no apparent effort from Alan. The peak of this was seen on the 10th where Alan drove a ball into the centre of the crater and scored a par for 4 points. Any more of that and his 27 handicap is going to look distinctly dodgy. Mike had got off to a good start and had 18 points for the front 9 ahead of Alan and me on 15 each.
I was mostly topping my fairway woods and having real problems avoiding 3-putting on every green. On the Par 3 5th hole at which the pin had been placed as close to front edge as possible, I topped my drive and then hit my pitch to the back of the green from where I put a very steady putt back towards the pin which it passed close by before gently rolling all the way off the green and back down the slope to virtually where my topped drive had come to rest in the first place. That experience pretty well encapsulated my whole round and looking at other people’s scores I don’t think I was alone.
By the time we got to the 18th Alan was well in the lead in our group which suited me because Mike had to win to deprive me of the Frostbite Trophy – I know that’s not the proper spirit when you are team members but it was difficult to ignore. I was 2 points behind Mike and wanted to catch him up but we all drove as well as you can on the 18th where the slope wants the ball to finish on the A404. By a stroke of fortune my scuffed approach made it’s way onto the green and ran down right to the very bottom edge where it hung on as though equipped with crampons. Mike in the meantime very uncharacteristically took several shots to get onto the green and then missed a 5 foot putt of the type he had been making with his eyes closed up to that point and ended with a 6 for 1 while I managed to get my first 4 for 3 and we tied.
We thought that our 37 points on the front 9 might be competitive but that our 33 on the back would not be – we were wrong on both counts.
The 9 of us were joined in the clubhouse by 4 more Ballbashers from the recuperating or injured medical list – Nick, Ashley, PeteF and MikeW. Only the three Johns were missing. Nick had arrived on his very space-age new German electric bike – he had to swap from his old one because he could no longer get his leg over, so he said. As we left the clubhouse he was surrounded by a group of interested biking fans including one of the guys creating the new toilets. Nick at this point decided that he would not be leaving until after us in case he fell off which would be too embarrassing for words. Whether or not he made it home is therefore still unknown.
The scores were as follows:
Alan, MikeS and Richard 37 + 33 = 70
Bill, RobA and Stuart 39 + 29 = 68
Peter, RobM and Roger 26 + 24 = 50
Individually Alan and RobA tied for the win – well done both:
Alan and RobA (31), Bill, Mike and Richard (29), Stuart (24), Peter (23), RobM (21) and Roger (15).
(Only 17 holes were open but nonetheless!!)
RobM had to cadge a lift off RobA to get home because he had, in all innocence, driven his car to the golf course unaware of the fact that Pauline had booked it in for a service and arranged with a friend that she would collect her from the garage. Faced with teh car being absent from the drive, Pauline and friend drove to Temple and stole it out of the car park leaving Rob high and dry. Plus ca change????
